The Adventures of Chibithulhu

Don't say I never answer prayers

I do this because my minion asked me to.

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME:
01 -- being submerged in telepathic-control-blocking salt water
02 -- the thought of Elder Things reclaiming the earth instead of me.
03 -- Joan Rivers

THREE PEOPLE WHO MAKE ME LAUGH:
01 -- President George W. Bush, for all his apocalyptic antics. He makes me so proud.
02 -- Human religionists. If only they knew who they really serve!
03 -- The Hapless Photographer, especially when he cries.

THREE THINGS I LOVE:
01 -- sleeping
02 -- eating
03 -- the taste of devout acolytes

THREE THINGS I HATE:
01 -- Elder Things
02 -- traitorous acolytes who learn the secrets of my cult then sell them to some other cult
03 -- those who opress my cult

THREE THINGS ON MY DESK:
01 -- assorted internal organs of the Hapless Photographer, to be returned when he finishes another strip for Theywilldevour.us
02 -- Necronomicon
03 -- pre-moistened towelettes

THREE THINGS I'M DOING RIGHT NOW:
01 -- eating
02 -- telepathically manipulating acolytes across the globe
03 -- blogging, obviously.

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE:
01 -- The Old Ones are, the Old Ones were, the Old Ones will be. I am immortal, so this is an irrelevant question
02 -- get more of my favourite acolytes' insane ravings in wider distribution, so more people may know and fear and worship me.
03 -- put chocolate syrup on the Elder Things' Antarctic stronghold and eat it.

THREE WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY:
01 -- unknowable
02 -- unspeakable
03 -- eldritch

THREE THINGS I THINK YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO:
01 -- Me.
02 -- Me.
03 -- and Nyarlathotep.

THREE OF MY ABSOLUTE FAVORITE FOODS:
01 -- human children
02 -- Drambuie
03 -- pizza

THREE THINGS I'D LIKE TO LEARN:
01 -- who sells deep-fryers large enough to prepare whole humans
02 -- why I am so small and fuzzy presently
03 -- how to stop being small and fuzzy

THREE BEVERAGES I DRINK REGULARLY:
01 -- Coffee
02 -- blood of minions
03 -- hooch

THREE SHOWS I WATCHED WHEN I WAS A KID:
01 -- they did not have human television when I was a polyp.
02 -- but using my native fourth dimensional sight, I would pick....
03 -- Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy. I would have loved that as a wee 'podling.

Rapper Name? Chibi T or Jolly Green Gotterdammerung.

Alternative Rock Band Name? The Dunwich Horrors

Name your pain? Humans. They give me such gas.

1 True Word That Symbolizes God? Nyarlathotep.

1 True Love or 1 Million Dollars? Chibithulhu has no need of either, but he would prefer to be loved.

Live Free or Die Stupid? Chibithulhu will live free, since he cannot die.

Purist, happiest moment ever? This was long ago, befor ethe reptiloids walked your human world, before the Elder Things, before even the Yithians. This planet was young, the volcanic activity had ended so recently that land had yet to form and the water was thick and hot and full of the inklings of life. Those were good days, when my star-spawn and I could romp and make bodies for ourselves from the primal ooze, but then the Elder Things came and decided to put a suburb and a zoo where our fields of hot slimey water once flowed, and then you humans escaped from their zoo and it was all downhill from there.

Most Influential Life Lesson? Do not let acolytes pick the manner of your manifestation. They always pick something stupid.

Most Successful Person You Least Admire? your human televangelists. such power over so many minds yet they do so little with it.

Where we go when we die? my dinner plate.

Worst TV Show of the Past Decade? Ghostbusters animated series. they got my coloration all wrong.

Best TV Show of the Past Decade? Chibithulhu likes to watch Venture Brothers.

Burning Building - baby or dog? Given sufficient sweet and sour sauce, i'll eat both.

Still with me, yes or no? Chjbithulhu is always near you, but always against you.

Who runs the world? (2 words or less) me.

Worst Idea You Ever Had? letting acolytes make cute merchandise of me.

Shittiest Job You Ever Had? brief stint as a hentai actor.

Best Job You've Ever Had? Dark God, with cultists all over the world.

You bet your sweet human sacrifices Chibithulhu is blogging this.

From here on out, oh acolytes, the graven images of my return to power shall be solely on display at Theywilldevour.us, and this Bloggoth shall be henceforth used for my personal musings. To start, a survey stolen from Vesper's escape

accent: My voice has been likened to the sound of a great bell tolling under the sea.
booze: Now.
chore I hate: amusing acolytes. They are supposed to be appeasing me, after all.
dogs/cats: Fur is not as tasty as you humans would think. Fresh, free-range baby, now, is another matter entirely.
essential electronics: highspeed internet access for gathering converts and rewarding the faithful with dark prophecies. Chibithulhu also likes the coffeepot, the television, and would greatly appreciate an offering of robotic hard-liquor retriever/dispenser.
favorite perfume/cologne: That wonderful belnd of blood, bowel, and urine created when someone loses control of their bodily functions as you chew their head off.
gold/silver: mysterious green stone not of this earth.
hometown: Your human rabbis called it Da'ath, the door to the abyss, but it is so much more, it is anti-being, all that does not exist is there. It is a place of wonders, and I would be happy to show you the way to the place beyond nonexistence....
insomnia: I can sleep at the drop of a..... zzzzzzz
job title: Great Old One, High Priest of Nyarlathotep, Beast of Beasts, Mascot for Large Smelly Unsettling Mob of Fanboys
kids: On a bun, yes, with bacon an dmayonnaise
living arrangements: The hearts and minds of my worshippers.
most admired trait: Obedience, crispiness.
number of sexual partners: Chibithulhu has mated with all that is at one time or another, producing countless star-spawn, earth-spawn, sea-spawn, and several people who have dressed as Spawn for unknwon reasons.
overnight hospital stays: Gods do not get sick. Well, I get sick of humans, but that is not the same thing.
phobia: The Elder Things returning before I am at my full strength, being tossed by the wayside in favor of some god with a better sales pitch but who offers so much less.
quote: Chibithulhu will share several:

"IMAGINE limbless torsos burning, breasts blackening, bellies smoldering, bursting into flame one by one." - motivational poster at http://www.baddaystudio.com/motivation.html

"The key to happiness is disinterest mingled with mild contempt." - R.K. Milholland, "Something Positive," April 21, 2005 at somethingpositive.net

"Life IS funny, and since death is an inherent part of life, it is intrinsically funny when people drop dead." - Brian Clevinger, "8 Bit theatre" episode 481 at nuklearpower.com

religion: High Priest of Nyarlathotep.
siblings: Abhoth, Hastur (say it loud! Say it often!), Tsathoggua.
time I usually wake up: evil never sleeps. It power-naps.
unusual talent: Conesntual tentacle-sex
vegetable I refuse to eat: Shub-Niggurath
worst habit: eating acolytes before they've outlived their usefulness
x-rays: Chibithulhu generates many kinds of radiation
yummy foods I make: Baby salsa, necrophile sandwiches, buttershoggoth pudding
zodiac sign: Chibithulhu was, chibithulhu is, chibithulhu always will be. He was not formed under stars you know.

Contains Some Nudity

just a reminder, chibithulhu has moved to Theywilldevour.us, where you can see this strip and many more in all their glory.

Chibithulhu is not really here anymore...

he has moved to theywilldevour.us, but here is another of our strips - the new site has the most current updates.

Chibithulhu brings you this as a reminder that he has moved to Theywilldevour.us

I will break your human hearts

Chibithulhu will not post this week's comic here. it is viewable only at his new home, Theywilldevour.us. You must go there to read it if you want Chibithulhu to like you. Or if you do not want to be eaten.